Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dicks are not precious.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
