I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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