If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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