Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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