had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
