dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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