smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
