I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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