just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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