Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
