ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i will never coherently bang her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
