walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
