how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
