I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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