You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
