It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
