You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
