My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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