how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
