I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
