I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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