Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the condom got lost in my hair
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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