pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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