I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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