Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
