T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
