Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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