Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
