There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
