did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
