so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
