Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
