I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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