No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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