how can u be prego again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
