he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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