he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
