Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize