dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
