you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
