sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
