he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
