is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
