I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
