while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
