There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
