I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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