Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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