We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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