I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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