These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's the barista slut.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
