Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
