I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
