I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
