my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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