Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
