She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Im part way to drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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