I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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