Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize