Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
