Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
