I am puke
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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