i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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