She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize