it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize