Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
