Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
