You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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