I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize