I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
