I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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